A little while back I tried my hand at the big homie Bryan’s “A 5 Minute Me” project. It was really introspective and I enjoyed the drawing but LOVED the writing. I had never wrote at all. It was something that I felt free doing though, no pressure just uninhibited thoughts. I was just working away on Word and decided I wanted to try this 5 minutes of writing again. I found a 5 minute song on my laptop so I could time myself and just wrote. It’s not long but since I promised to be more personal I figured I’d share.

Ode to Mary J

“You took a little bit of life from me,

All it took was a little bit of light from me,

Locked my body, and trapped my mind,

Unknowingly solitarily confined,

Thoughts higher than the divine.

Trapped behind bars of smoke,

Caged while my dreams provoke me.

Inside the mirror lies my greatest enemy.”

My dude Jack Flawless recently sent over his newest single “Blue Jay Fitted”. Brings back memories of watching Joe Carter deliver a championship to the greatest city in the world. All the young talent in the city today are about to bring a figurative championship back to Toronto.

Today’s mood was nightmares and the image above is actually the complete opposite but I couldn’t resist posting it. As stated in today’s “My Greatest Enemy” post I was haunted last night by nightmares and listening to The Clipse today I was able to relate as my dreams hath much fury.

“I’m waking up in the middle of the night
My heart beats’ pumping like something ain’t right
Oh whats goin on…
When I go outside I feel something behind me
I’m looking back, but nothing’s around me
Oh whats goin on..
Man I don’t know, what am I trippin on
Theres something in the room, its lurking in the shadows
Staring through the darkness…..man I don’t know
These four walls are closing in, these voices ain’t my friend
They’re haunting me, those, those memories”
The Clipse Feat. Bilal and Pharrell- Nightmares

Last night I was up until about 4:30am working and reading, followed by watching the last hour of Ghostbusters 2 on CityTV. Something I had forgot about was the fact that no weed for me often equates to insomnia. I’m usually pretty nocturnal; often up late working or just fucking around but I could always rely on a joint to put me to sleep when I felt I had accomplished what I needed to. Last night was a struggle to get to sleep, tossing and turning. Finally my eyes got heavy and I drifted off into a world that I often feel I can control.

That control became irrelevant when my mind began to create some vivid storylines of the past. Dreams so realistic I was waking up to the sound of my heart beating and my fist clenching my pillow. Nightmares!

As human beings we sleep about a third of our lives away, but is that really an issue when we are able to create another reality in our minds? Living in a world with no barriers, no limits, where anything is possible, and stories are scripted beyond the rules of our reality. Often times I am able to draw inspiration from this realm of dreams, but when it turns on me it creates an inner hell. Trapped by my own eyelids.

The nightmares were developed from stories of the past and the vivid reality a side effect of mental dependency to a non-addictive substance. Possibly the first step in conquering my inner evils.

Productivity-Despite the nightmares I was able to wake up much easier this morning and begin working on the line before work. Even after 8 hours at work I still felt energized to come home and put in more work as opposed to smoking and sitting in front of “the box”.

Creativity-The nightmares were actually beneficial to my imagination, and it worked out well while working this morning.

Mind State- My head feels extremely clear after just two days, I’m excited to see how I feel tomorrow.

Temptation- Often times when trying to demonstrate self-control while friends around me were smoking, eating McDonalds, or drinking it was the sweet aromas that dragged me in. Today these aromas developed a craving that I was able to overcome but they still created weakness.

REMIX-TO-RIO (The Featurette) from remix doc on Vimeo.
PLEASE WATCH THIS!!

There are people today who fight for good while evil surrounds us. Sounds like a super hero right? These people may not be super heroes in the traditional comic book sense but they are more important. They stand up and speak for those who are unable to fight for themselves.

I will feature more on the Remix Project and their representatives soon. Until then please watch this video and gain a better understanding on how these heroes are making a change in today’s society.

Music has been quite possibly the greatest influence and inspiration in everything I do. There are certain songs or lyrics that stand out and describe feelings perfectly. I dedicate “Music is For Life” to the songs that we are able to relate to daily through different moods, trials, and tribulations.

“Never will I ever utter never to myself,
fall in love with the feat of my endeavors on the shelf.
I never back up like Cleo Lemon on myself,
Lemonade connoisseur,
Life’s lemons coming out.
When life get sour,
No ice, still devour”
-Wale “Artistic Integrity”

It’s been almost a year now since I started blogging but recently I’ve felt that I haven’t been willing to be personal enough. I haven’t used this  media outlet to display who I am and what I feel. When i first started on blogger(Fuck blogger, Wordpress FTW!) I was in school with free time to be able to write about issues I felt were relevant to myself and society. But recently I have noticed; the more I was posting the fewer words I had been using. More or less posting  material objects or musical inspiration I had felt relevant. When starting this blog I wanted it to be more than material possessions: an extension of myself. An avenue to display my work, inspirations, heroes, loves, hatreds, and interests. I’ve often fought with myself on how personal to get while blogging, how much am I willing to reveal? What am I willing to share and how will each post portray myself? After all this is the Redef clothing blog and what does my personal trials and tribulations have to do with that? Maybe nothing but maybe everything?

Hopefully, the answer is everything because I’m about to become a lot more personal. I’ve been working and developing some interesting projects lately that I am very excited about and will introduce very soon. A lot of work and effort, yet I haven’t felt that my full potential is being reached.  Why is this? I asked myself countless times. I may have figured it out.

What is holding me back? The answer: Myself.

How do I correct this? I have no idea. In everyone there is an eternal struggle of good and evil. What is the right decision and which is wrong? A friend and personal hero Gavin Sheppard told me recently that 2008 is “the Year of Good Decisions”. I know it’s August but it’s not too late to change everything and turn my “lefts” to rights. I have decided to challenge myself and remove my personal inner evils to determine how to become a better man. As you, the reader, as my witness, I am removing all alcohol, weed, fast food, and over-spending from my life for the next 40 days. I want to determine how this will affect my productivity, creativity and mind state.

For the next 40 days I will be blogging how I am affected by removing these evils I have been SO accustomed to. Today has been day 1 with a few temptations, but an overall better feeling both physically and mentally.

Productivity: I was able to accomplish all planned tasks for the day. Nothing too crazy. A normal 12 hour work day of running around and meeting people around the city.

Creativity: Took a couple pictures and did some photo editing. Nothing really too creative. I hope to be able to work more on the Redef line tomorrow.

Mindstate: Incredibly clear after only one day of cutting my diet of a couple blunts a day out.

Temptation: Around people smoking but with zero temptation to cheat.